Losing it

I woke up yesterday morning with some pretty strong hunger pangs. I forced myself to eat a healthy low calorie meal and went to work.

I don’t know how long this is going to last. I’m terrified that I’m going to fail. It feels a lot like quitting smoking, only 100% worse. I still have days when I have to talk myself down from going to the corner store and buying a pack. I’m finding that I have to constantly talk myself down from eating junk.

I want to do this. I want to be healthy and beautiful like I was when I was in my early 20s. The problem is that I want my little indulgences too. I don’t feel like I should have to deny myself when I have cravings. Obviously I’m wrong, or I wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.

I’m sure there must be some kind of fine balance. For now, I have set myself a goal. I am limiting myself to 1500 calories per day. If I can behave and stick to my diet for a month, then I will reward myself with a royal splurge. Who knows, maybe if I can make it long then I won’t even want that big of an indulgence.

Today is only day 4 of my big life change. I suppose, just like smoking, the first days are always the hardest. I’m mostly fearful of what will happen on my “weekend.” It is easy to stick to the diet at work because the only temptation is the vending machine, and it doesn’t have my favorite sweets. I’ve been in the habit of pigging out on my days off. I was doing some research, and one of my trips to Wendy’s would have cost me my entire day of calories. That is a bit scary.

Hopefully I can manage my cravings with some healthy snacks, fruits and veggies, and the occasional diet chocolate bar thrown in the mix. Wish me luck!